As I have struggled with my own health issues I have thought so much about Andrew. I have a renewed appreciation for how hard it must have been for Andrew to be so sick all of his life. I miss him so much, he really was the neatest kid in the world. So damn funny - I miss that.
I wish I could say that I saw him and spoke to him and came away with a nugget of wisdom but its just not there.
This life is such a mystery. And I think that's cool - I don't know why I didn't follow him through that gate, I feel very confident that staying was the right thing -
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{{{HUGS & LOVE}}}
I think you were meant to stay and by "seeing" him you might not have wanted to. I'm sure you'll get lots of "attention" from him tomorrow.
so happy mothers' day because you'll always be his mother.
Thanks Toni - I got to see Jamie this weekend, that was my best Mother's Day present. Se's doing pretty good and that makes me feel better.
Sandy - I know you are right. I have had very vivid dreams since my heart attack. I like that. I dreamed night before last that I was with Andrew as they loaded him into a helicopter to be transported. Only, in al the times he was in ICU he never once had to be air lifted, it makes me wonder if my mind isn't letting some memories come forward.
Cara,
That is great!! I wonder about her a lot! I know it must have been good for both of you!! Did she stay down here or did she move away?
Happy Mother's Day Cara! Sandy is right, you will ALWAYS be Paco's mom!
Could be Cara...could be that you are "ready" to move forward with more memories to process/embrace them on a different level or somethng. Healing grief from what I understand and have read, incorporates so many stages and maybe the "heart" attack was a result of "blocking" the flow of memories/emotions and to heal the physical you have to heal the emotional...
listen to me rattle on. Feel free not to post this...I'm thinking out loud.
There is just so much more to our inner life than any of us are aware.
Sandy - I really think my attempt to be brave contributed a lot to my heart attack. I am trying to learn to accept the tradgedies of the last 18 months and let them be what they are.
Profound.
You certainly could've had a heart attack just from the pain alone. I hope you're feeling emotionally lighter. I like that you are happy to still be here. It seems like you've broken through a barrier.
Happy Belated Mothers' Day. You'll always be a mother.
I agree with you Mary - and thank you so much for the Mother's Day greeting.
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