Christmas with Andrew and Jamie 2005

In the past month or so I've had two brief dreams of Andrew with the most recent one being this last Saturday, December 20th.

About a month ago I was sleeping in and Dana had gotten up to sit at the kitchen table drinking his coffee. My dog, Brutus, was asleep on his blanket which is on the floors next to my bed.

I dreamed that I heard Andrew call out to me from the living room. He sounded like he was about five years old and he yelled "Momma" as though he was upset or distressed in some manner. In my dream I got out of bed and ran into the living room but couldn't find him anywhere. He didn't call out again and I remembered that he was gone and that it couldn't have been real. This woke me up and I started to cry, it sounded so real.

I was laying on my stomach with my head in my pillow and didn't realize that Brutus had gotten up. He ran to the kitchen and got Dana and brought him back to the bedroom and then once there my dog, still hearing me cry, ran around the bed frantically before jumping up on the bed and laying his body over mine.

Then last Saturday I had a similar dream. I dreamed my phone rang and once again it was Andrew but this time he sounded like he was a grown man. His voice had an tone of seriousness and he said "Mom, its me." I said "Andrew where are you?" but there was no answer. I asked "Are you okay?" Again no answer. I asked these questions over and over but there was no answer, just silence on the other end of the phone.

My sister and her son, Ted are here for Christmas and Jamie spent about five days with us last week and will be back on Saturday. It kind of helps to have them here, but only a little. Things don't get better, I'd like to tell you they do but they really don't. They are different but no better. Christmas this year is very hard and very sad. I'm starting to think it will always be this way.