August 12, 1980 to October 23, 2006

Robert Andrew Romero
"PACO"

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way
by moonlight, and his punishment is
that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde“

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Nautical Star

The sun comes up each morning
Feel your hand reach out for mine
Hear your whistling in the songbirds
As the sundial marks the time

I always seem to just miss you
Thought I heard you in the breeze
Caught a quick glimpse of you moving
In a canopy of trees

Heard your laughter in thunder
When your joking rain was done
Saw your eyes dance in the lightening
Always teasing just for fun

You ran too fast to catch you
You left me without goodbye
I look for you all day long now
Come and find me, tell me why

Late night moon says he knows you
The stars spell out your sweet name
Wishing you would come back home now
Come back home from where you came.

Dance me in the darkness
Play me music I can’t hear
Feel the rhythm of your heartbeat
Whisper low and draw me near

Come home now starlight strider
Return my nautical star
Searching for that galaxy rider
Bring me home to where you are

Friday, March 07, 2008


Just for fun I created a new constellation - Its called "Paco" and its sign is the Joker - many are born under other signs but choose this one. Those who identify themselves as "Paco's" are loving and much loved, talented, intelligent, funny, entertaining, joyful, passionate, prone to great depths of emotions, extremely witty, sensitive, caring, impatient and most uniquely the ability to see beyond the day to day.
I was born a Gemini - I changing to a Paco... anybody else?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008



Jamie requested this song be played for Andrew at his funeral.


Its so Andrew -


In past posts you have heard me talk about this is the song always being played when I'm out. Its like he always right there with me -





Sunday, February 24, 2008

A wonderful surprise and touching tribute by Sandy. Sandy is an incredibly talented artist and photographer and I am so honored by her post today.

Please visit the link below:


http://sandy-everydayart.blogspot.com/

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Doesn't this just make you smile all over?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

..just because he's so darn cute!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Or at least something to give you a warm feeling in the middle of winter. Andrew took karate lessons when he was about five years old. He got up to an orange belt before deciding he wasn't interested anymore. Then when he was a senior in high school he decided to go back into training. He did very well and then one day, poof, just like that he decided he was done with it. His instructor came to see me and told me that he had never seen anyone with the natural talent that Andrew had for the sport. We all begged him to reconsider but Andrew was Andrew - and on to something else.
Over the next couple of days I will post some of the photos of Andrew in his karate outfit (yes I know it has a name, I just don't know how to spell it - ha!) These were taken when he was five or six years old by the Kim Jew Studio in Albuquerque -

Monday, December 31, 2007


If you are one of my faithful and beloved readers of The Zen you might have already read the comments attached to the last post from Lilli (BookBabie) and my response. In her comment she advises me to not overlook signs and coincidences as they pertain to Andrew.

She is right. Maria, my sister in this jouney, is right. Many have offered the same advice and they are also right.

Whether actual visits from my son or simply God's merciful signs I cannot say but I will tell you of a couple of interesting things.

On December 17th some time between 3:30 am when I had last looked at the clock and 5:45am when the alarm rang, I dreamed of Andrew. Okay, its true, I still can't bring myself to say he visited me in a dream but I know you will all understand and be patient with me.

We talked for a while and the dream ended with him sharing three things with me. First I asked what it was like "over there"? He said it was " _________ " and used a word I have never heard before nor can I relay it in any way. I can try to come close. I can try to substitute the word "awesome" but this is a pale and trembling version of what he said. As someone who collects words much like precious keepsakes I would give almost anything to be able to write this word - but it doesn't exist. Not over here at least.

Second I asked him if he would come back to us if he could. He was lightening fast with his answer of "No!" and seemed to chuckle just a little when he said it. And I could almost swear I detected a note of snobbery in his tone - as though I was a fool for asking.

But he did end the conversation by saying that he gets "a little sad sometimes" because he misses us.

When I woke up I immediately dismissed the dream as being of my own making but as I drove to work that morning immersed in a feeling I had never had before I reasoned that in the Bible there are references to people being given dreams by God for their edification or as a warning.

So maybe, just maybe... but then I thought about Andrew saying he was sad and I reasoned that there are no tears in heaven so it had to have been only in my own mind...and then I remembered that in Ephesians 4:30 tell me that the the Holy Spirit of God can be grieved , so maybe...just maybe...

Then this Saturday I met one of Andrew's very best high school friends who I had not seen since 1998. We met at a bar and sat and talked about Andrew for a very long time. It had been an unusually quiet night; I assume everyone was waiting to go out tonight instead of last weekend. Consequently we were able to talk undisturbed. In the middle of our visit a total stranger walked over to the jukebox and fed her dollar in the slot. She pushed a few buttons and walked away. I had to smile.

The song "RockStar" by Nickleback began to play. This is the song that Jamie picked out to play for Andrew at his funeral and it seemed so right that it was playing while Chad and I laughed and cried and remembered.

"...don't over look the signs or coincidences..." I won't, I promise.

So by way of wishing you all a Happy New Year I want to share something Andrew sent me back in November of 2004 when I was going through a very rough time. Andrew didn't include the authors name so I apologize to him or her but the wisdom is from Andrew all the same.

"We should never look back on the trials and tribulation of our life with regret or sadness for they are in some way, shape or form the things that make us immortal. These are the things that teach you about life and give you insight for the journey. Everything we experience whether it is a happy time or a sad time is a lesson on the path to being enlightened and knowledge we can pass on which makes us immortal."


Momma loves you Andrew -

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


May all your Christmas dreams come true ~

Monday, December 24, 2007


Check out those fancy cowboy boots....I still have them.

Sunday, December 23, 2007


I love this picture so much - it shows how at a very young age Andrew was pure joy. Always ready to laugh and be merry. This is genuine Merry Christmas -

Hope all of your Christmas preparations are going well - take time to love each other and make the children laugh - that's what Christmas is all about.

P.S. I love you all very much - Cara

Friday, December 21, 2007

Andrew was four months old in this photo of his first visit to Santa Claus...I'm not real sure that Santa is much older....

Monday, December 17, 2007

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Andrew's second Christmas. Notice the tree had to be moved up high? Guess why!

Sunday, December 09, 2007


Andrew's first Christmas (1980) - The most precious gift under the tree!

Monday, December 03, 2007

I have this very dear friend named Louie. He's a treasured friend. The kind of guy who would do anything for anyone. And to date Louie has yet to give me his condolences.

About two weeks after Andrew died my best friend Jody spoke with Louie and asked him if he had talked to me. He said no and she asked why and Louie's
answer was that wonderful quirky pure "Louieism" that I know and love.

When Jody asked him why he hadn't called me he said "Because she will be sad."

The weekend ofter Thanksgiving Louie came up to visit and he and I spent a lot of time talking. Out of nowhere, after thirteen months, he mentions my son. Here's how the conversation went:

Louie: You know I remember the first time I met your son. It was when he and Jamie came to Willow Springs for John's party. I remember they drove up in their car and Andrew got out and he had a Mohawk.

Me: I remember. I was mortified. Here he was meeting my friends and he jumps out of the car with that haircut. I was so mad at him and I made him cover it up with a do-rag. And then later he took it off and Kevin had a fit over it and said it was cool and how he wanted one so then I lost that argument.

Louie: I gotta tell you, I didn't like him. I thought he was a freak. You know, based on the way he looked with his hair like that and his piercings and tattoos - I thought he was a freak.

Me: (smiling) ah...but that was Andrew.

Louie: ..but here's the thing...at first I didn't like him and then I heard them talking about how he had gone back to the nursing home where he used to work to visit all them old people and I thought, wow - I couldn't do that.

Me: Andrew was a really good CNA. He was good to those old people and took care of them but what I loved most was they way he made them laugh.

Louie: I know now that first impressions aren't always right because it takes someone special to do what he did.

.....this was worth waiting thirteen months for ......

Andrew took a class called Health Occupations his senior year and became a CNA. He went to work four days after graduation. He came home after his first night and I asked him how everything went and he said fine except for when he tried to remove this man's dentures in order to brush them. He pulled and pulled only to realize the man didn't have dentures.

Andrew loved to cut up and make people laugh - even his residents. He'd show up for work with his hair dyed green one week and blue the next. He'd run around wearing rubber gloves on his head so he looked like a rooster. He'd hide in the medicine cart and pretend to be a prisoner. He'd put a handful of denture cleanser tablets in his mouth so that he was foaming like a rabid dog and hide under the nurses station so he could scare the RN.

My all time favorite stunt was a running gag with one of his residents, Goldie. This little old lady was not really with us anymore. They would get her up and dress her and secure her into a wheel chair and wheel her out into the hallway. This little lady had a habit of yelling over and over what ever she heard last. For instance, if she heard some one say "Mary you have a phone call" she would yell that at the top of her lungs all day long. So Andrew would tell her riotous things that she would in turn yell all afternoon. One of the best was "I like malt liquor". So here's little tiny white haired Goldie, yelling at the top of her lungs

"I love malt liquor....I love malt liquor...."

Now before you think to yourself that this was mean, Andrew loved Goldie. He adored her and took care of her like she was his grandmother. After he moved to St. Louis he never failed to stop by and visit her when he came home for a visit. He took it hard when he went to visit and they told him she was gone...

Andrew hated his job but loved his residents. He was good at his job. He was loved in return.

I've often wondered how many of his residents he has run into since he left us...I hope he found Goldie in particular.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

My grandmother, Rubye Lee Mosier-Jordan, holding my mother, Rubye Naoma. This photo was taken in 1925.


My mother, Rubye Naoma Jordan-Zinck, and me Chirstmas of 1957



Andrew and I at his paternal Grandmother's (Adelina Romero - Grandma Nini) home. Summer of 1981.





Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanksgiving 2001 - West Plains, MO.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


The last time Andrew went hunting...West Plains, Missouri
Sorry, I can't remember the year but it was at least 5 years ago. I was always a nervous wreck when he was hunting, so afraid he's get hurt.
When he got old enough to understand his father told him that when he got to be a big boy he could go hunting with him. After that every single morning when Andrew woke up he would run to our bedroom and climb in bed between his dad and I and say the same exact thing. "Tell me about hunting Daddy." And his Robert would tell him the exact things he had told him the day before. This went on for a very, very long time.
Once when he was a freshman in high school in Santa Rosa, NM he and his father went hunting. They shot a deer right off the bat and brought it home. Robert hung it by its neck in the out building we had. The deer's back feet were about 4 or 5 inches from the ground and its head was cocked to the side. I was gone and Robert came to get me to tell me they had their deer, leaving Andrew home alone.
When we returned to the house Robert insisted I come out and see the deer. To this day I kick myself for not taking a picture of what awaited us. Robert unlocked the door and flipped the light switch and there was this deer who although still hanging from the rafter now had a blue paisley bandanna tied Cholo headband style around his head, sunglasses on, a cigarette in his mouth and a skateboard that fit perfectly under his back feet.
That was Andrew right there....he was absolutely the funniest person I have ever known in my life....

Sunday, October 21, 2007



Tuesday, October 23rd, will be the one year anniversary of my son’s death. I’m posting this today because I plan on being very still and quiet on Tuesday. I will scarcely move a muscle. I will barely breathe. I will sit and wait.

Wait as I have waited for the last 365 days for the earth to come to a screeching halt and stop turning. For gravity to finally let go. For the sun to stop rising and falling. For air to run out. How could it be that all of these things kept right on schedule when my world stopped?

No…that’s not true – my world didn’t stop, it reversed.

My world still turns but it goes backwards and gives me headaches and makes me have dizzy spells.

Gravity on my world is a hundred times heavier than it was one year ago. The act of opening my eyes takes monumental strength.

The sun rises and falls but everything stays a flat shade of gray.

….and there is never enough air to breath, never. And sometimes it feels like there is too much and I think my chest will explode.

My head aches because I think of him so much that there is little room for anything else and yet this life demands that I do. It crams little rubbery facts and trivia in where, if they only knew, there is no more room. Did you buy soap? The car needs gas, the light bill is over due…..what do you want for supper? One more syllable and my head will begin to rip at the seams.

I am screaming…I am screaming as loud as I can but no one hears it. I am screaming that I am gone. The very best of me is gone. I no longer exist but no one notices. I feel raw and exposed and yet those around me see nothing.

I was almost completely gone 365 days ago and what little was left has been lost to a quiet desperation. I am like twilight, slipping away at an undetectable rate until there’s only darkness.

My life has stalled. I sit and wait in the darkness. Listening, but I hear nothing but my own silent screams.