Andrew and Jamie



I Know You By Heart by Eva Cassidy

Dear Andrew,

I love you so much. Its amazing you know, it hasn't faded even a little bit in four years. It never will. The love I feel is just as real and present as it was the day you were born. It doesn't get smaller just because your gone or time passes.

I had a talk with God today on my drive to work. I thanked him for choosing me to be the blessed one to have carried you in my heart from the moment of your conception to this very moment. I thanked him for choosing me to be your mother and have the privileged of your spending twenty six years with you. I was enriched beyond belief by your existence.

I miss your eyes, your smile, your humor and laughter, your annoying passion for lost causes, your cynical deconstruction of society , your lightning fast retorts and razor sharp wit. I miss the space you occupied and the air you breathed...its what made my life valid.

I'm looking forward to seeing your sparkling eyes and wonderful smile when its my turn to cross that river. Come wait for me on that day so I can tell you again how much I love and have missed you.

Love, Mom

I had a brief dream about Andrew last night. I don't remember much except he and I were walking down the street hand in hand. We stopped to talk to some folks and I was introducing them to my son. I think he was about 9 or 10 years old in last nights dream. He and I had very good times together when he was about that age. We went everywhere and had some great adventures together.

I woke up while dreaming of him and I prayed and prayed for him to come back to me in the dream when I went back to sleep....sleep didn't come. I was awake for over an hour.

But for a little while things seemed normal - like the old days - and I was happy.