This past Sunday a very dear friend lost her thirteen year old son. The tragedy is almost unbareable for her...I know, I've been there.

Tonight they had his visitation and as an act of support I stayed through the entire two hours just in case she needed me. She doesn't need me. She needs her son to be alive again...I know, I've been there.

But as I sat there I had the opportunity to watch and listen. One of the most common things I heard was "Why?" The other thing you hear whispered is "Where is God in all of this?" Once you are able to breath again you realize that he was right there with you through all of it. This much I know to be true...I promise.

Here's the deal, we live in a sinful world where Satan roams to and fro seeking whom he can destroy. And the closer it gets to the end the more he steps up his game. In these end times he is playing very dirty.

John 10:10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Satan has developed what he hopes is a more efficient method for his plot. You know, he has read the Bible...just not all the way to the end. He is aware that we know from John 10:10 that he is a thief who seeks to steal, kill and destroy. But he mistakenly thinks if he merely rearranges the words we won't recongnise his tactics. Now he is killing first, then stealing with the intention of destroying. Here's what I mean:

Utterly meaningless death is plaquing our young people. I believe (and this is opinion not Biblical fact) that the devil is "killing our children" so we will ask that accusitory question "Why?" And since he knows there are no answers to that question this side of Heaven he's hoping and betting that we will dwell on the "Why?" and allow it to fester in our hearts. And by tricking us into questioning, and even blaming, God he has then "stolen" our Faith. That in turn results in our ultimate destruction.

But typical Satan - he lacks the patience to read the entire verse. Or maybe he did and is just in denial, who knows, but we know that through Jesus we have life to the fullest. A full long or even immortal life on a planet that is dying is illogical. The only real place to have life to the fullest is with him in Heaven. Much better zip code - trust me.

So whether or not you like the answer to "why?" it remains the truth. We live in a sinful world full of death but this world is not our home. Our home is perfect and waiting for us. And where is God during all this? He's right there with you, carrying your baggage through customs as you journey on to Heaven.

***Sister girl, polar bears do go south for the winter and Hayden just cleared customs...I love you.

When Andrew was younger, I don't know for sure, I think he was in mid-school, he saw a cartoon (maybe this one - maybe not - I can't remember for sure)featuring this song. He flipped over it and would sing it all the time. And for some reason known only to him he would break into this song every time he was in trouble with me and getting a butt chewing. It was such an absurb thing to do and consequently always made me laugh so I couldn't stay mad at him.

As I was searching for this on YouTube I found a Led Zepplin dub over that Andrew would have thought was hysterical.

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Finally, I found one more cover that I love and I know he would have loved it too.


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Tomorrow is Andrew's birthday. So I thought I share some photos from his very first birthday.

Hot air balloons were all the rage in Albuquerque (and still are) so we had his cake made in the shape of a balloon.
So have yourself a piece of cake tomorrow in honor of his birthday and...
... try to sneak out of bed sometime in the early morning hours (like 4 a.m.)

to view the Perseids - even the stars celebrate Paco's birthday!

When Andrew first left us I would pray and beg God to let me dream about him. For the most part I didn't. However, since my heart attack I am surprised by how often I dream about him now. I dreamed about him last night again which is very unusual.
This was a very quick little dream. I was standing inside a building that had a wall that was all glass. Fixed glass like a business, not windows you could open. Outside was a pool and Andrew was swimming in the pool. Suddenly there was an announcement that everyone needed to get out of the pool and get ready because the plane was getting ready to land. (I know - dreams are weird). The next thing I knew I was hurrying toward the gate where he was arriving but I woke up before he came through the gate.

Aren't dreams strange?

Yesterday I had to deal with a situation of child abuse. It impacted me on a huge scale and must have still been on my mind when I fell asleep last night.
I dreamed Andrew was about 5 years old and someone had decided to discipline him by making him sit on a shelf. ( You know how weird dreams can be sometimes.)
So I came into the room where there was this big metal cabinet (the kind you commonly see in a garage) and I opened the metal door and Andrew was sitting on a shelf looking almost identical to this photo. He was smiling and having the time of his life - not the least bit distressed. I held out my arms and he came to me and wrapped himself around me in a big hug. I held him and hugged him so tight, sort of knowing in the back of my mind that being able to touch him was unusual.
The thing is, it reminded me of times when I disciplined Andrew. It was always a challenge because he always enjoyed himself no matter what. I was wasting my time to send him to his room or make him stand in the corner. He would immediately started day dreaming and playing with his fingers or something equally non-removable and be having a great time. Although frustrating, I loved that about him.