“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde“
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
May all your Christmas dreams come true ~
4 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Merry Christmas Cara. Thank you for sharing these memories with us. Losing a child is every mom's worse fear. This blog is a wonderful tribute to your son, I love all the old pictures of you both when he was a little guy. I had a dream once that I was holding my son as a three year old on my lap in our basement reading him a story. It felt so good, but I knew that it was wrong because I could hear the grown-up version of my son upstairs. Suddenly, the grown Andy started coming down the stairs. I tried to hold on to little Andy but he squirmed out of my arms and ran to the bottom of the stairs to greet his adult self. The two smacked into one another, there was a loud popping noise, and when I looked up only the little Andy was left. When I told my adult son about the dream the next day I don't think he appreciated the fact that he had disappeared while his younger self remained. Of course, he doesn't understand how empty a mother's arms feel when our children grow up and leave us. I wish that you could wrap your arms around your son every night in your dreams Cara, but I hope you know that he is always with you. Don't wait to see him only at night when you close your eyes. Pay attention to the little things, the signs and "coincidences" that are so easy to dismiss or ignore, and understand that the love you shared before he crossed over will always hold him close to you.
My dear Lilli - the timing of your comment is providence to say the least. I do not believe in coincidence, I believe everything happens for a reason. You say for me to pay attention to the little signs.... Yesterday we traveled 240 miles to visit friends in the same town where my son was living when he passed away. These friend own a bar and grill so we stay there during the hours they are open in order to spend time with them. I had made previous arrangments to meet one of my son's very best friends who just got out of the Navy. I had run across him by accident on MySpace and although he now lives inSan Diego he was going to be home for Christmas so we made arrangments to meet. I hadn't seen Chad since 1998.
Chad came in and we sat and talked for a very long time. As we spoke about Andrew a girl sitting on the other side of the bar got up and walked over to the jukebox. She fed her dollar in and pressed the button and suddenly Nickleback's "RockStar" began to play.... This is the song we played (oddly enough) for Andrew at his funeral... I knew at that moment that everything in this life, and the next, is balanced. It was, for me, a sort of validation of the moment. You are so right, my son is always with me. I dreamed about him on the 17th and we spoke for a few minutes...I have been saving that for my New Year's post. Lilli, thank you so much for visiting The Zen - and for commenting. It means more to me than you will ever know.
4 comments:
Merry Christmas Cara. Thank you for sharing these memories with us. Losing a child is every mom's worse fear. This blog is a wonderful tribute to your son, I love all the old pictures of you both when he was a little guy. I had a dream once that I was holding my son as a three year old on my lap in our basement reading him a story. It felt so good, but I knew that it was wrong because I could hear the grown-up version of my son upstairs. Suddenly, the grown Andy started coming down the stairs. I tried to hold on to little Andy but he squirmed out of my arms and ran to the bottom of the stairs to greet his adult self. The two smacked into one another, there was a loud popping noise, and when I looked up only the little Andy was left. When I told my adult son about the dream the next day I don't think he appreciated the fact that he had disappeared while his younger self remained. Of course, he doesn't understand how empty a mother's arms feel when our children grow up and leave us. I wish that you could wrap your arms around your son every night in your dreams Cara, but I hope you know that he is always with you. Don't wait to see him only at night when you close your eyes. Pay attention to the little things, the signs and "coincidences" that are so easy to dismiss or ignore, and understand that the love you shared before he crossed over will always hold him close to you.
My dear Lilli - the timing of your comment is providence to say the least. I do not believe in coincidence, I believe everything happens for a reason.
You say for me to pay attention to the little signs....
Yesterday we traveled 240 miles to visit friends in the same town where my son was living when he passed away. These friend own a bar and grill so we stay there during the hours they are open in order to spend time with them. I had made previous arrangments to meet one of my son's very best friends who just got out of the Navy. I had run across him by accident on MySpace and although he now lives inSan Diego he was going to be home for Christmas so we made arrangments to meet. I hadn't seen Chad since 1998.
Chad came in and we sat and talked for a very long time. As we spoke about Andrew a girl sitting on the other side of the bar got up and walked over to the jukebox. She fed her dollar in and pressed the button and suddenly Nickleback's "RockStar" began to play....
This is the song we played (oddly enough) for Andrew at his funeral...
I knew at that moment that everything in this life, and the next, is balanced. It was, for me, a sort of validation of the moment.
You are so right, my son is always with me. I dreamed about him on the 17th and we spoke for a few minutes...I have been saving that for my New Year's post.
Lilli, thank you so much for visiting The Zen - and for commenting. It means more to me than you will ever know.
Gosh Cara,I tried so hard to get things together for you so I could try & catch up with you while you were here! I'm so sorry I didn't get it done!
Don't give it a second thought Toni - whenever you have time just email it to me. Love you - hope you and your family had a great Christmas.
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